Friday, May 15, 2009

Poor Little Kitty, My Absolutely Crazy Kitty Dilemma and... what's happened to Shasta of Bergdorf Blondes???

As you know, my daughter Kitty (not her real name) is 9 years old. She came home from school yesterday in a bit of a funk. When I asked her what was bothering her, she said nothing… even though I knew that something was up. But knowing that she tends to clam-up when I push too hard, I thought I’d leave it alone.

Then she asked “Mommy, am I busy this weekend?” I didn’t quite understand her question so I asked her to explain. She said, “Mommy, am I playing ball this weekend?” I told her, I didn’t know. My husband, her dad, is the baseball coach and he’s in charge of the ball schedule. When I asked why she wanted to know, she said… in a somewhat teary voice… “Alexia is having a birthday party this weekend. The girls are all going in a Limo to a spa and she didn’t invite me.” I asked her how she’d come to know about this, she replied, “Alexia told the class about it on Wednesday. And when I asked her why I wasn’t invited, she told me that she thought that I was busy. Am I busy this weekend, Mommy?”

My heart was absolutely breaking for my little girl. Kitty has never ever experienced rejection before. Kitty’s one of those girls whom all other girls gravitate towards. She’s a brilliant child with a quiet personality - much preferring to play with one or two girls at most. She hates the spotlight and shies away from being the centre of attention. But for some reason, many girls want to be Kitty’s friend. I truly thank God for this for she would have no friends if they didn’t gravitate towards her – for we all know that she won’t gravitate towards them.

Kitty then went on to tell me, “I really don’t think Alexia wants me at her party because she acted like she didn’t care about me.” At which point, she burst into tears. This absolutely broke my heart. I tried my darndest to console her but she was inconsolable. I tried explaining to her that not everyone gets invited to every party but that didn’t help. For the first time ever in my life – there was nothing I could say to stop Kitty from crying. She was so hurt. In her very own words, she said “she felt rejected.” And it was the rejection that hurt the most.

We chatted again this morning and she was doing much better. She had gotten over the hurt and pain of her first ever rejection. She understood and accepted Alexis’ decision not to invite her. She also learnt that thing won’t always go her way and she was fine with that.

Interestingly, Alexis’ mother Ashia emailed me this morning inviting Kitty to Alexis’ birthday party. I received the invite with mixed emotions. On one hand I was thrilled for Kitty – for Alexis is a friend of hers and they have play dates often (however – Ashia and I are not remotely close), but on the other I cannot help but wonder if Ashia’s invite was out of guilt or possibly pity. I would hate for anyone to invite Kitty out of pity.

Knowing how much Kitty wanted to go to the party, I emailed Ashia and advised her that Kitty would love to attend…. Only to find out late this afternoon from my darling husband that Kitty has to play ball after all. ARGH! The ballgame is at 2pm and runs to 3:30pm. Alexis’ party starts at 3pm – the girls are getting picked up by Limo at 3pm to be driven from West Vancouver to Coquitlam to the Spa then it’s off to dinner. Ashia expects that the party will wind down at 8:30pm. Problem is, the 3 of us (Hubby, Kitty and I) have a Dinner Party to attend at 6pm.

WHAT DO I DO??????

Hubby thinks that Kitty should just ditch the party.

I think that Kitty should ditch Ball and go to the party and we should pick her up at before dinner so that the 3 of us can go to the Dinner Party.

I haven’t asked Kitty what she thinks yet. I’m sure she’ll want to ditch the ball game as well as the dinner party and just attend the b’day party.

What do you think Kitty should do? This is all driving me nuts!!!

On a completely different note, one of my favorite blogs – Bergdorf Blondes, is no longer available. I know that Shasta had said that she was going Private and to email her if I wanted to continue following her. But when I clicked on her link, I found that her blog had disappeared! Where in the world is Shasta Bergdorf Blondes? Shasta, if you’re reading this, please drop me a line to tell me that you’re okay.


ladolcevita said...

Ditch the birthday party - she can't participate in the whole thing, so it's best not to participate at all. The girls will wonder why she's coming and going, many may know she wasn't invited originally, and it puts her in the spot to explain. Take the high road, email the mother saying thank you very much, but it's just not going to work out....and move on.

Crystal said...

Okay...I read Shasta of Bergdorf too and I'm really upset I can't read her anymore. Let me know if you get an email or something so I can also ask to see her blog.

Julie said...

I don't know about the birthday party... Maybe her friend genuinely thought she was busy. Especially if they're playmates. I would say though that unless they're best friends I don't think I would go out of my way to take her...tough decision...

I have to say I happened on your blog trying to figure out what happened to Shasta! I hope you post if you hear from her. She was one of my fave blogs too. I'm bummed she disappeared. :(

Anonymous said...

I think you should explain, that is not nice not to invite a person in the first place and only after a while - do it. Try to cheer her up, by going to your own spa and having 'the day as Kitty wants to spend'.
Good luck!

Chloe said...

Shasta is okay- she just had problems with some creepy scary emails, so she's in the process of going a bit more undercover. I miss her too. I love Shasta. :(

I'll let you know when she gets everything up and running again!

As far as the conundrum with your daughter...that's a toughie. I think I agree with ladolcevita- the birthday party is a last minute thing, and since you have prior commitments I think that makes it a no go. Good luck!

PS- I GOT THE CHOCOLATES! Thank you again so much and I have a fun little post coming up as soon as my sister leaves. Between all of the eating and shopping we've been doing, I've had time for nothing else. *cries*

Anonymous said...

Chloe, I was going to leave a post on your blog asking for Shasta's email. I think I read somewhere you two were buddies. Please keep us updated and let her know we wish her well. Mean people suck!!

I worry about you bloggers sometimes, wish this world was safer. =(

Slastena said...

Two options;
1) ask Kitty what SHE wants to do? Would she rather go to the party or honor the prior commitments?
2) what I would have done ( and it would have been hard on my chuld , but I think it's an important lesson to leran - accepting that things do not go the way we want them)- I would honestly write to Alexis mom that Kitty was intentionally not invited in a first place adn the knowledge was made public and it hurt your little girl very much,in light of that- you appreciate the LATE invitation and whatever the reason behind it, but must decline. I would not do future play dates with that child either. She needs to be taught to be discreet, it's OK not to invite ALL of the girls in school. It's NOT OK to make other child hurt on purpose by publicly excluding her.

At any rate, I'd love to hear how the situation is resolved. I am supporting you in ANY decision you choose to make!:)

Petunia said...

Well, I would ask Kitty what she would like to do. If she wants to go to the party then I would let her go. Children get over things much easier and quicker than we do as adults. We tend to hold onto things that we take personally, but children are more carefree!!

Anonymous said...

Okay this just broke my heart!!!!! I hate this crap and can remember similar events to this day even though my daughter is now almost 24 years old!!!

I say ditch the party, go to the game, go to your dinner party AND plan a day out with just you and Kitty at a spa down the road.

Sad to hear this is happening at 9!!! Hang on Mom, more to come down the road. UGH!

PS I miss Shasta's blog so much!!! I loved reading her! I hope she starts another blog again soon!

Genny said...

Easy to figure out. Go to the ball game and not the party. I don't think I need to explain WHY that is the right thing to do.....

Julia said...

I think she should skip the party and go to baseball and your's why:

If she does go to the party, and the girl makes it clear that she was only invited out of pity, Kitty will be hurt MUCH more badly. Right now, she doesn't know if she was purposely left out or not, and it may be better that way.

If she does go, and she's late because of baseball, and she has to leave early for the dinner, that will be awkward and a nuisance to the other guests.

If she DOESN'T go, (she's got great reasons) she saves some face in the event that she was purposely not invited because she realy was busy.

Ultimately, you can explain all of this to your daughter, but let her choose what she does!

IRL said...

I think it's risky to send her to the party. How will she feel if she is singled out there as not being on the original invite list; she's stuck for hours possibly feeling horrible the entire time. This could possibly carry over into school and make school life miserable for a while. At least if she does not go, no further damage can be done. If the girls say anything to her at school, Kitty can say she found out about it last minute and already had plans for the day.

Regarding Shasta and to you other ladies who blog, my dh was harassed for almost a year. He ignored it until the emails became threatening. He contacted the police and the FBI was brought in since it was happening via emails. The FBI went to the culprits place of work, since this location was the source of the emails. The culprit was fired and had to go to court and face my dh. Turns out it was a childhood friend, whom he had no contact with directly for years. The culprit thought it was funny. He was hearing through other acquaintances the aggravation it was causing my dh. He seemed to be addicted to harassing my dh. Be careful. There are some strange birds out there!

3-Penny Princess said...

Sorry to chime in with advice as I'm not a regular:) I agree with Slastena and Petunia - ask Kitty what she wants to do.

On the one hand, I'm tempted to say skip the party and do what Smile suggested: take her for a spa & pampering day after her game. On the other hand, if she doesn't go, it's a given that all the girls will be talking about it for the next week and she'll feel left out if she doesn't participate.

Not that this is the right thing to do, but so tempting... She should plan her own party in the future with a really cool event, then invite all the girls except the one who didn't invite her. She shouldn't announce it to everyone at school, but I'm sure the other girl will hear it through the grapevine and wonder how she missed out. That will teach her that what goes around comes around.

Jordan said...

I found your blog while searching around for where Shasta from Bergdorf Blondes went. I really loved reading her blog. If there is any way I could get into a private blog if she starts one, that would be great. It's so sad that people always have something negative to say!