Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Kitty Update

Firstly, I should apologize for not being around the last couple of days. Secondly, I must thank each and everyone of you for all of your supportive comments. And lastly, I must tell you that my husband is thrilled that many of you took his side. :)

But I feel that I need to let you know what happened after all.

After blogging about the incident, Ashia called to discuss the party. I should preface by explaining that Ashia and I are polar opposites. Ashia, in my opinion, is very concerned about appearance - about what people think, say, do, etc. She's very conscious about who's who and keeping up with appearances. She never fails to name-drop or sidle up to a celebrity (there are a few celebrity kids who attend my daughter's school) at a school function. And if there's someone else better in the room to chat with she will automatically ditch the person she's speaking with and head to the more interesting person.

While I should be irked by her behavior, I cannot help but giggle at how silly she can get sometimes. But I digress. Anyway, she called on Friday evening to discuss Kitty's attendance at Alexis' birthday party. She explains that she had originally invited 3 other girls to the party (2 of them in Kitty's class - one of them being Kitty's best friend and another who does not go to school with the girls but is Alexis' best friend). She also went on to explain that at the last minute, she had decided to invite more girls from the class. One odd thing she said to me was, she had not expected many of the girls to attend Alexis' party since it was after all a long weekend. I found that statement most odd for if I was going to throw my daughter a party, I would want all of her friends to attend - as opposed to hoping that many wouldn't show up. I didn't take it personally for I have gotten to know what Ashia's like (after all, I've known of her and her for 4 years now). I ended up giving her the benefit of the doubt and so, Kitty attended Alexis' party.

I should also mention that I gave Kitty the choice of skipping the party and we could: 1.) Do something special together - just she and I. 2.) Go to a Spa by ourselves. 3.) Go do something else that we would enjoy. Kitty turned all that down. She just wanted to be with her friends. Seeing that Kitty is generally shy and the fact that she wants to be with her friends, I agreed to having her attend the party.

I picked Kitty up after 2 Innings in Baseball. I then drove her to Alexis where the Limo picked the girls up and drove them all to the Spa. There were a total of 10 girls. My husband and I picked Kitty up at 7pm and took her to a dinner party.

Despite the fact that she had to miss half of the ball-game and the fact that she had to leave early, Kitty had a fabulous time. She was thrilled to have attended her friend's party despite the fact that she could not stay until the very end. At the end of the day, it was about Kitty and not me. If it were me, I would simply not attend for my ego would have been bruised by a late invite but Kitty didn't see it that way and you know what, I'm okay with it.

At the start, it bothered me somewhat that Kitty had received a late invite - but at the end, I was cool with it. Kitty had a fabulous time. She wasn't made to feel like she was an after-thought. She was included in all the fun and that's what's most important, right?

I know that what I did was contrary to many of the valued opinions given to me. I hope I didn't offend any of you by doing the opposite. I value and appreciate your opinion and hope that you'll continue to tell me what's on your mind. In my eyes, I felt that the decision was Kitty's to make and so she did and that's what happened.

However, we did learn a couple of really important lessons from this.

1.) If you're going to have a small party, ensure that your child does not discuss party plans at school.

2.) If your child hears about a party and does not get invited, it is going to break your heart but like everything else, they'll get over it. It is after all a small speed-bump in the course of their entire social life. Kitty understands that now.

Thanks everyone for your wonderful support on this! Have a wonderful evening!


HeidiG said...

Thanks so much for posting the update. My kids are not at that age yet, so I always value the insight from other parents.

IRL said...

Glad to hear it worked out for Kitty!

Julia said...

Thanks for the update! I'm so glad everything worked out for Kitty :)

C said...

I did not post about this before but I completely remember having parties and wanting invite "the whole class" but the parents (realists) were always trying to limit the invites...so maybe Mom and Dad were hoping to take 3 girls to the spa and Kitty's friend was trying to invite 25, and things just got out of hand. When you are a kid and your parents are telling you to pick just a few friends, it is impossible. Also if you tell 8 or 9 year olds NOT to talk about something, they will talk about how they cannot talk about it!